Piggy-backing on last week’s post, I hate to break it to you, but I am pretty on point with this. Here are some things you will roughly 99% do in your first few years in LA, in no particular order:

– Everyone from where you used to live will think everything you do is interesting and amazing or a a waste of time and sad

– You will be too poor to buy things out for a while, so something like a cup of coffee from a coffee shop will seem so special that you Instagram the shit out of it but pretend like it’s just another #Mondaze (and now you understand 1/2 of social media)

– You will probably do a student film from somewhere weird like UC Irvine

– And a commercial for a product you’ve never heard of and will never see again

– And a short film to get some footage (because they sure as shit aren’t paying you) and then no one ever gives you anything…ever

– Maybe a commercial for something that sounds really fucking cool, like Pepsi! But it turns out it’s for some random YouTube channel that got a small brand deal and they’re paying you $65.  

– Or an industrial for a company that makes you dress way older than you actually are or that will ever be appropriate in this time period

– There will be a play that you will tell no one to come to

– And an improv or stand up show you will WISH you had told no one to come to

– Also a Discovery or Discovery ID reenactment show of some kind (typically crime) 

– You will get a featured extra (glorified background) roll you got conned into because it was proposed to you as a real role….you will also make $65 for this one (before taxes) 

– You will take things from craft services from said extra job and consider if justification for your hard underpaid work

– And then a SAG commercial (YAYYAYAYAYA) that will never air (boooooo) 

– You will probably do a friend’s web series that won’t ever make it past episode one

– And then a friend of a friend’s web series that won’t make it past episode one

– A table read for something really fucking cool that will make you really jealous of the people who end up doing it and yet at the same time give you hope that there is good material somewhere out there

– A “graduate” film from USC or UCLA in which the director will have already decided he is the next “insert a recent Sundance winning director here” 

– A more legitimate feature that actually pays you ok but despite actually having a budget for some reason never has water on set

– Some random director/producer/person will ask you to “send them your stuff,” to which you’ll smile and nod and then run home and have a panic attack because you don’t know what the fuck that means

– 3-5 auditions and callbacks for a role that is SO you…and then the project never gets made

– Someone will ask you to modify your appearance in some way (lose weight, gain weight ((LOL NO ONE HAS EVER ASKED ME THAT)) dye your hair, etc) and you will probably regret it but it’s a lesson we all learn…

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I’m sure there are a LOT more you can add to this list, add them below in the comments! This is by the way, not meant to scare you away from the “green years”, but more to normalize all the crazy, underpaid, under appreciated general fuckery that goes on to new actors. 

But it makes for some damn good stories later on, trust me.